You're getting very sleepy...

Hi everyone. I know it's been a long time since I posted. It wasn't on purpose, it's just I've been pretty busy with a lot of different things and focusing on myself for awhile. Mrs. P and I are still here, still together, and still in love with each other. So what's been going on with me?

Well, lets have a quick review of my state of mind these past few months: Progress!

So, I saw a psychiatrist for a few months, and she was very helpful, and I did feel better after every session, but looking back, it never really got to the core of me. We would talk and talk and talk about all the things my wife and I already talked about, and maybe I did see things from a slightly different perspective with the psychiatrist, but it didn't seem to be "helping" me in the way I really needed. So, thankfully, my wife suggested a hypnotist. Yes, a hypnotist! She wanted me to go to see if I could somehow clear up the years of memory I just can't remember. I wasn't quite sure how it would pan out, but what the Hell? What do I have to lose, right? So I did some searching and found one that had an office about 10 minutes from us. I emailed him through his website and he got back to me within hours. I had mentioned in the email about being molested and carrying shame everywhere I go. He asked me in his email to call, and I did the next day. Come to find out he was also a victim of sexual abuse at an early age, and he too cheated on his wife. Not that I'm impressed by that, but it made me feel like this guy totally "got me" and what I was feeling. I made an appointment for a Thursday and waited with a little anxiety, I must admit.

When I arrived and met, it was an immediate feeling of being in the company of someone who knew what it was like and knew what I was going through. We talked for about 45 minutes or so, and then he did his hypnosis. Turns out, I'm not a easy patient to hypnotize. Took a long time, but I finally succumbed to it. Well, kind of. Turns out, being hypnotized is not at all what is shown in movies or TV. You never just fall asleep and not know where you are or what you're doing. It's more of a relaxed state of mind. Imagine laying on the beach on a beautiful day- not too hot, not cold, but perfect. And now imagine you have no worries, no cares, no stress. THAT is what it is like to be hypnotized.

He took me through a mental exercise, where I imagined myself in a forest on a path that lead to a house. The house contained everything in my head that brought shame and made me feel like a child. I took all those things from the house and put them in a garbage can that later I would imagine burning in a huge bonfire outside the house. As the things burned and the smoke went into the air, it represented the hold those things had on me, and now they were nothing but wisps of smoke. Formless and without strength to hold onto me anymore.

"Wow, what a complete load of shit" you might say. Hell, I would have said that too before actually going through it myself. When he told me to wake up and stretch and finally stand up- I almost didn't feel any different at all. I felt the same physically. I thought that although I felt really good about burning all that crap mentally, it hadn't really done much. But I noticed that I was holding myself a little different. A little more confident and at ease with myself. Later that night my wife and I talked. After our talk, she asked me to tell the hypnotist "Thank you". It was the first time in a long time that she was able to have an adult conversation with me about what I had done where I didn't fall into self-pity and wallow in my own shame. She even tested me by having me read my whore reviews I posted online. At the end, she literally said "Wow". That lasted for a few days, but it seemed to fade with time. On my next appointment, I mentioned to the hypnotist how I thought it didn't "stick" with me. He asked me if I had been doing my homework. Homework was a pamphlet he gave me explaining diaphragmatic breathing and putting yourself in a type of trance while repeating reaffirming affirmations to yourself ten times. I told him "No, I wasn't" to which he explained that he wore a size 12 shoe, and if he needed to, he would stick it so far up my ass that I wouldn't forget to do the homework for next time. I got his point. Apparently, he plants the seed in his session, it's up to me to water and nurture the seed so it grows in my mind.

I have been back a total of three times, and will continue to go. Why? Because it works. I'm sure that anyone reading this post would benefit from a hypnotist session.Make sure they have some type of credentials! But if I could go back in time, I would have dropped all the shrinks and gone straight to the hypnotist first. Best money ever spent. At least for me.

Most recently, I asked if we could work to get rid of my thinking that no matter who I was talking to, I was the child in the conversation. I never felt I was "in charge" and could be equal, simply because I was- in my head - a child. How fucked up is that? I know. I was so tired of feeling like that. Time to get rid of that shit forever. So I went into a trance, and he did his thing.I felt so much better after this time.Hopefully, if I keep up my end and do the homework, it will become my new normal. Do I recommend you trying it? ABSOLUTELY.

Keep in mind: It's not a one-session and you're cured deal. It is something you have to devote to, and work at. But I can see and feel that it does get results. And that is what counts.