It's Not All Doom and Gloom!

I came home today and my wife reminded me of the things I do differently now for the better. I thought that it would be a great idea to talk about some of the things I now experience completely differently than I would have before.

These are some of those things, in no special order:

We redecorated our bedroom to include several "positive" message paintings. The one that is next to my side of the bed reads "Good Things Are Going To Happen". Previously, the message would have been lost on me in that I would have looked at it and forgotten about it a minute after reading it. Now, It's usually the first thing I read, and it makes me feel good inside to read it. Because now I actually BELIEVE IT. Positive affirmations are so necessary in life, and ones that touch you are priceless and the role they can have on your mood for the rest of the day cannot be underestimated.

Another thing I discovered is how much I love cold mornings. I get up around 5:45 AM to get our son ready for school and make sure he gets on the bus. Once that's done, I have the luxury of going back to bed and spooning my wife because the feeling of warming up next to her and keeping the cold at bay by laying next to her is without equal. I find it's what I so look forward to in the morning. I can deal with winter weather a good deal longer if it means more cold mornings!

Supermarket shopping. You might scoff, go ahead and do so. But I find that I love going grocery shopping now with my wife. Not because of my love of the supermarket, but the process of exploring and deciding on things and just experiencing all the sights and sounds and colors with the person who is not only my best friend, but person I love; I find it exhilarating and entertaining and fulfilling.

For whatever reason (I still don't know exactly why) I got it in my head that I wanted to learn to cook. Mrs. P soon JUMPED at the chance to teach me some things, and ordered a weekly fresh-meal ready to cook to be delivered to us which would be my project to prepare from start to finish. I soon found that I really enjoyed doing it. So much so that I started looking online for things to make. To date, I've made fried chicken, pork chops, steak, eggs/bacon/ham concoction that our son loves, and I also started baking. Soon I made NY style cheesecake, lemon meringue pie, a lemonade cake (with real lemonade mix in it!) and Oh yeah, we have a bread maker too. So I also made pretzel rolls, italian bread, white bread, and have plans for more! Never did I think cooking anything would be an option for me. But it is, and I love doing it.

One of the important things I think differentiates me from my previous iteration is now my son is no longer afraid of me. When I was involved with Mongering and "The Life", I was a self-centered moron who would become angry quickly. My son could feel this tension and would avoid me. Can you imagine? He avoided me because he didn't want to feel the anger radiating from me like the Sun radiates light. Hearing this explained to me recently- by my son - really brought me to tears. However, he did go on to say that now he doesn't feel as though I carry anger around anymore, and he isn't afraid to talk with me. Hearing this, as a dad who was always afraid of his own father, means I broke the chain. I felt that way when I was young, but at least my own son no longer has to feel it himself. And hopefully when my son has children, they will know a life of only love and kindness and hope.

I have so many other things I think make me different. I might go on for paragraph after paragraph, but I'll spare you the intricate details of every one of them. Rather, the one I would be remiss for not mentioning, and probably the most important one, is my relationship with my wife, I treated her horribly and ignored her because I was too wrapped up in my own selfish thoughts. But now I see my wife as my partner and best friend and lover that I cannot live without, and the person I want to grow old with and drink lemonade on an outdoor deck as we rock in a swing talking about all the great times we had together and how our life had purpose and meaning and was full of love.

There is hope. There is a good ending if you make it happen. It's not all doom and gloom!